Any Questions?

I took part in my first ever panel discussion last night, organized by a local synagogue. I have to admit that I was not the first choice, I was the substitute for our new local Jewish TV celebrity who had to back out for personal reasons. She is also my friend and I was very pleased to be asked to fill the breach.

David spent the whole weekend firing questions at me to prepare me and I must admit he did a very good job and I felt quite jaunty and confident about the whole thing until about an hour before, when I started to feel sick. The rest of the panel including the Chairman were a pretty erudite group, all have at least one degree if not more and are experts in their fields. I have a degree in the University of Life, I dropped out of college when my mother became ill and never went back after she died. I had kids, raised my family and got involved in other things, the time was never right to go back. So I suddenly had this huge crisis of confidence, why had I been asked to do this, surely they could have chosen someone far more qualified than me? But there I was and it was too late.

My sons found it very amusing that I had been asked to join the panel; they just couldn't understand why people would want to fire general questions on current affairs at a random group of panellists. My oldest son explained that if he had a query he  would ask a specialist, why would people be interested in my opinion on things? Well that was a great confidence booster!

It didn't help that one of the other panellists had been unavoidably delayed and only arrived for the second half, which left me and the other two, comprising one of the most senior and respected Rabbis in our community and the Director of Community Services from the United Synagogue, who had come from London for the event. I was outnumbered. As the Chairman read out my modest CV to the audience I sat there, terrified.

The first question was OK, it was about the impact of Social Media on the recent riots, and the questioner asked if Facebook and Twitter should have been shut down. That was OK, I know a fair bit about Social Media and I didn't agree that it should be shut down, why punish millions of innocent users because of the abusers. It seemed to go down quite well. I started to enjoy myself.

It's very hard in these situations when unseen questions are fired at you. You have to very quickly construct an argument and deliver it cogently and clearly and in hindsight there's always something else you could have added. When I got home,  I spent the rest of the night thinking of all the things I didn't say and could have kicked myself about.

All in all it was a good experience and a learning curve, I realised that despite my self doubt, I was quite capable of holding my own and I wouldn't mind doing it again...

One good deed...

I was driving to the Magistrates court yesterday, it was my first day back on the bench rota after my summer break. I happened to tune in to Radio 4 and started listening to one of the saddest interviews I have ever heard. It was a tragic story about a profoundly disabled woman and the trials and tribulations that had beset her throughout her life. Every time she thought she had found happiness, tragedy struck her again, until she lost her faith.

I started wondering why some people are dealt such a rotten hand in life and at the same time felt obligated to say brief prayer of gratitude. I have had  a lovely summer, with two fantastic 50th birthday celebrations, surrounded by friends and family, I have lot to feel grateful for. Then I started thinking " I wonder what's around the corner?" I didn't have to wait too long.

I drove down into the underground car park and swung effortlessly into a parking bay. As I drove in, a woman in an MPV struggled to park in the adjacent space; she rolled down her  window and shouted "Lucky You, driving a Mini!" I started to worry that maybe I was too lucky, and that I should leave this large parking bay available for someone with a larger car and that I should park in a smaller one. So I did, I reversed out of my lovely space and found a smaller one, only to collide with a large cement column as I swung in, knocking off the wheel arch cover and giving the front bumper a really good bashing.  So much for altruism!

Did I tempt fate? Was I asking to be tested? Did I feel guilty for everything I had when this poor woman on the radio had so little? I suppose the answer is "Yes" to all of it. Have I learned anything? Apart from "Don't be a Twit  in a Carpark", I should have stopped at the prayer of gratitude, it was enough.