Then yesterday I started feeling really dizzy and nauseous. It felt like I was on merry go round. I then realised what was going on. I am having a hard time dealing with my MiL at the moment. It's not really her fault, she's not behaving any differently from usual, but I am finding it all quite challenging, more so than usual. The dizziness feels like "Stop the world, I want to get off!" I am resisting the early morning phone calls, I can't cope with the little crises that seem to happen every day. I seem to have lost my equanimity. I don't understand why. Why am I feeling so resistant and why is it making me feel sick?
Elkhart Tolle writes this about Acceptance and Resistance
"Accept then act. Whatever the present moment contains, accept it as if you had chosen it. Always work with it, not against it. Make it your friend and ally, not your enemy. This will miraculously transform your whole life.,"
By watching the mechanics of the mind, you step out of its resistance patterns, and you can then allow the present moment to be . This will give you a taste of the state of inner freedom from external conditions, the state of true inner peace. Then see what happens, and take action if necessary or possible. -The Power of Now
So today I accepted that I was sick and that it was probably due to the fact that I have been struggling to deal with my situation.
I took time out and just did nothing for the day. I rested and meditated and took some medication for the vertigo. I didn't fight it, I just went into it in the hope that I can get over it quickly. I was still and did some inquiry. My MiL is an old lady and she can't help that she does what she does. She's not going to change now, and the only thing I can do is what I'm doing now, although sometimes it's really difficult. She depends on me to make all the decisions about her life and although I am not the one who cares for her physical needs, I deal with everything else. I can't remember the last time went to sleep without one ear listening for the phone.
I write all of this because I am sure that so many of us go through situations like this on a regular basis and we make our own suffering worse, or even make ourselves suffer for no apparent reason. We are capable of waking up,out of thought, dissolving the pain body and caring for ourselves. It's hard work but it's possible and if we practise doing it on the small stuff, hopefully when the big stuff comes along we will,be prepared!! I'm realising that there's no quick fix ans this is a life's' work!
