The One about Acceptance

I am the woman who cries on the plane. I do this on quite a regular basis. The reason is quite simple. I cry for what I am leaving and the thoughts of what I am going to. I am lost in  thought.

Today I am leaving Israel after spending a month with my children and grandchildren.  David & I took care of our little ones while their parents went away for much needed breaks. We had a really busy time and managed  to  continue building strong and loving relationships with them. 

Now I sit in the plane as it returns me back to England and my other life there. Tomorrow I will take my mother in law to an appointment at the asthma clinic. She hasn't been well while we've been away and I'm worried.  We are supposed to be bringing her with us on our next visit to Israel but I'm not sure she's fit enough to make the journey. If she can't come she'll be devastated, she's been so looking forward to seeing her great grandchildren. 

So you can see how easy it is to be swept along on a current of sad and anxious thoughts, rocking there and back between past and future. The only difference in me now is that I am aware of it. I know that the only way to deal with this is to accept the reality, even if I don't like it. To live in the present and just deal with one thing at a time. To keep the rudder steady and focus. 

So I sit in my seat, strapped in as we hurtle through the sky and I start to meditate. After all what else is there to do? It's a perfect opportunity. 

I want to talk about the process of getting to the point of acceptance because it's what gets me through and helps me cope.  It may help you too. 

So I start deep breathing, in for a count of 6, hold for 4, out for 5. Repeat 10 times. I find that putting two fingers to my chest against my heart helps me to feel calmer while I breathe.

Then breathe regularly for about two minutes or more if it feels right, just following the breath, one at a time, nothing else to do. 

It's time to tune in to my emotions and give these feelings names so I can face up to them.

Breathe, I'm feeling sad: silent tears pour down my face. Breathe, I'm feeling scared, my stomach clenches.  I try to be kind to myself and  understand that of course I feel like that, I'm only human. I go deep into the feelings, which is hard sitting on a plane surrounded by people but I have to do this in order to move on.  I need to understand and make friends with my feelings and just allow them to pass through me, resistance is futile! 

Ok, I'm calming down, the breathing is helping. I know that whatever happens tomorrow and tomorrow, I will be able to deal with it. There is no choice for me here, this is my life....and I don't ever want to have regrets that I didn't do it right and that I didn't do what I could. I am trying to accept what I can't change. That's all there is. 

Hopefully in a few weeks we will be returning, maybe we won't..the only way to take it is one breath at a time....

Postscript

I took my Mother in Law to her appointment and it transpired that she has been using the wrong inhaler for her asthma, which accounts for her struggling for breath for the last couple of months. She now has a new inhaler and its making a such a big difference that its completely changed her mood.

I feel better and am trying to readjust to my other life by being in the now and focusing on here not there!